This was my third week at AYA, with one more left. I am not excited about the program coming to an end. This was the first time I had ever felt independent; I made new friends and became more comfortable talking in front of new people. I just wish it was a little longer so these things could really stick.
I am a middle child, which means I am left out of a lot of things. That doesn’t stop my mom from trying to “protect” me from things she thinks I might get into. The freedom I get on the USC campus heals something in me. I am grateful I got this opportunity and I will never forget the summer I spent here. On Wednesday, I went to the library with a couple of my friends. By the end of the visit, it was just three of us; but that made the visit even more special. We were able to walk around the library freely and just explore.
I know college isn’t going to be exactly like this, but freedom is all I have ever wanted. Maybe that is why I have always wanted to leave California for college. Knowing that the choice is mine and not anyone else’s? What feels the fire in me to do better in school? USC was never on my list of colleges to apply to, and hearing AYA alumni talk about how they got rejected made my chest hurt. What do you mean I am good enough for a four-week program but not the whole 4 years?
They kept saying how it was the best thing to happen to them, but I couldn’t handle the rejection that way. Yes, everything happens for a reason, but this would be something I wanted dearly. I can’t get rejected from my dream school. That isn’t an option for me, and life moves on, it always does, but the pain would never leave my heart. I know this is a tad depressing, but this is what the speakers this week awoke in my mind.
High school was a rude awakening for me. I have always felt like I wasn’t good enough, not good enough for my grandma to stay alive for me, or for my father to want to be in my life. The point of my very existence up to this point is getting into my dream school. UCLA is a big part of who I am, I would rather be waitlisted than rejected flat out. I am going to go to college either way, so I am just voicing my fears right now.
But enough of that depressing stuff. I have never enjoyed school like I have enjoyed this program. Yes, I have felt like I was going to pass out from boredom in Allan’s class, but I wouldn’t trade these experiences for the world. This has been the best summer of my life so far and I am not even exaggerating.
Communicating Change 