Into the Unknown

The night before the program started, I could hardly sleep. This happens a lot when I am anxious about things, (I am pretty sure I have insomnia,) and I wanted to make sure everything went perfectly on my first day in the program. It didn’t go perfectly because I got to USC right before our first class started, and I was afraid to get in the Metro E-line. I have been riding Metro buses my whole life, but the E-line intimidated me for some reason. I would have rather waited for the 102 for an hour than get on the E-line by myself. I have since conquered that fear, and my friends and I are planning to take the train to the beach.

I am glad I sat next to Fernando on the first day. When I was nervous about the interview exercise he made me feel comfortable, and I am thankful for that. It felt good to know that I wasn’t partnered with someone I felt was judging me. I don’t think I could have talked about my week without including him. He is now a core memory, and I think the memory orb is yellow and orange. (joy and anxiety working together :p)

My favorite part of the week was going to Little Tokyo/ JANM and being able to walk around on my own. I bought a tiny stingray plush from one of the stores in Little Tokyo. I am a very cheap person and it was an internal struggle to buy that small plusie for $14. I firmly believe that it’s valuable for us to study history in a manner that challenges and unsettles us. What stuck with me the most was when we were told to call the camps concentration camps rather than interment camps. I am glad we don’t have to sugarcoat history anymore. It also made me wonder how the black community could have thrived if given the proper resources. What if African Americans had received the reparations that were promised? How would that have impacted our community today?

Those questions stayed on my mind, especially when I thought about the California African American Museum. It upset me how small the CAAM was. I was very excited to see art made by Black people for black people. The small size most likely comes down to a lack of funding. A lot of African Americans, or just people in general are not able to donate to the museum. However, I loved that the art made me uncomfortable and that I learned new things about the history of African Americans. One of my favorite parts of the museum was the pigeon that was on the wall in one of the exhibits. It was positioned in a way that made you believe it was painted on at first glance.

In addition, I enjoyed the Singing Women. She kept you on edge the whole time you watched her; it was as if she would jump out at you at any moment. I keep asking myself what she meant by “I have been performing my whole life,” and I don’t know. I want to say it is the feeling many POC get when having to conform to societal pressures. Many people perform their whole lives to fit what others want, and it gets tiring. The women looked exhausted, and not in the right state of mind. At a certain point, a lot of people reach their breaking point. The film did an amazing job of showing raw emotions without making it feel forced.

Overall, I give this week a 7/10. I am looking forward to seeing the person I become at the end of the program.